Sing Me My Song (My Past Still Haunts Me)

Watching the world pass me by,
No one notice me cry,
kicking,
screaming,
punching the wall...

where am I now?
Stuck in the moment
between heaven and hell
kissing the ground
not long from now
thanking the sky
the day turns to night
and all we have is gone
no one hears me cry

Wishing one wish
take me in to your arms
kissing my breath
as I break and fall
stroking my senses
with your knives of words
leaving me in the warmth of my blood
on this earth

kicking the habit
how did we start
ignoring my feelings
never being anything but this
you smile your smile
sing me my song
just us in this limbo
senseless of the world

watching the leaves
from green they turn black
smelling the roses
the glass beneath my feet
never understanding
what we had is gone

but friends last forever,
that is what they say
so, my dark being
friends we remain

my past may be murky,
unclear all the same
we may have hurt each other
but its all but a game
neither of us are winners
so therefore we remain

stuck in our moments
on those summer days
watching the ocean
from our spot on the sand
remember the noises
the sights, the feelings again

You watch me as I sleep
that's how it will remain
we are different
playing different games
I guess what I am saying
is this is how it stays
stuck in our moments
watching the world
between our heaven
and our hell

Sat on the Sidewalk

Sat on the side walk
Never knowing who what where but why…
Oh my…
Smiling in sunshine,
Covered with angel dust and so….
We go…

On a Rock and Rolling-coaster
Round the world in eighty days
I never look back at where I kissed her
But never had the courage to say…

You, and me, always sat under that tree
You, and him, always kissed in front of me
With no passion to say
“Hey, that you could only ever see,
So far in front your nose”…
So please, sing with me…

On a Rock and Rolling-coaster
Round the world in eighty days
I never look back at where I kissed her
But never had the courage to say…

Follow me deeper
Follow me into the sea
He swallowed water
I fell to my knees
Your tears where falser then I ever could see
What a, mistake I made again….

I'm on a Rock and Rolling-coaster
Round the world in eighty days
I never look back at where I kissed her
I now have the courage to say
I have grown older without you in my life
I have moved over to the state of sunshine
I am so over, what you did too me
And we’re playing happy families…

Sat on the side walk
Always knowing who what where and why…
Oh my…
Smiling in sunshine, covered with angel dust and so….
I know…

Sam

I watch Angelic feathers falling from the sky
Have you fallen from my arms?
Have you left for good?
Or are you still here, my love?

I may never have met you,
But trust me my love for you is real
You are meant to be in my life
My brother, beside my side

Something went wrong
How can I go on?
Knowing that you will never be
The one to catch me?

My brother, you smile makes me laugh
My brother, you watch over us all
Our mother, misses you around
But you are not gone

I look for you, even though I cannot see you
Are you real?  An angel in my mind

Running

Running from dreams
Running from hope
Running from you
Running from me
Running to be free

Running to catch up
Running to calm down
Running with a purpose
Running for fun

Running like the wind

Run east
Run west
South, North
Where next?

Run to the other side of the Earth

Run with the world
Run with oneself
Run to think
Run to forget

Running to be with you

Lost but always found
Found but never lost
Smiles bring tears
Tears bring pain

Run from love and hate

I hate running but
I always run,
I can’t run
Never could

Run from the light

I prefer to walk,
to take my time
to think of my life
to make it mine

I prefer to sit,
to sleep,
to dream,
about life

Can this be real?
This whole universe?
Could we run if death was upon us?
Would we try?

People run,
every single day.
The brave ones stand
and face their fears.

We run, from what scares us the most.

We run in our own special ways.

Mentally
Physically
Literally
Metaphorically

We will one day learn,
Running is not the answer.
Love, life, you
that is what matters

that is what counts
that is life
that is it

the answer
the truth
the meaning

No-one should run
No-one should fear
No-one should be alone
No-one should shed tears

We all need to learn
About ourselves
About people around us
About me
About you
About life.

My Long Lost Dream

Sighing a listful sigh
living a long lost dream
kiss me on my hand...
take me to the sea

Jump with me into the ocean
swim below the waves
sing our slow song
about a time, about our time

Look into my eyes
the waves wash the shore
smile with your eyes
your smile mocks me more

I cannot remember a time
when I felt so in love
I want you to be mine
I want to feel the floor

the sand in between my toes
the shells you hand too me
the laughter that I hear
the longing that I feel

I want to stay with you
beyond the open waters
lets travel the watery world
stay like this forever

Watch the twinkling stars
above our clear walls
no boundaries
only invisible flaws

But all good things must end
So take me by the hand
lead me out of the world
the world that we found

But on the solid earth
we will watch the water wave
standing on the shore
watching the world we crave

but fish grew legs
and so must we
and still we watch
the world beyond the sea

we promised that we would
we always will no doubt
return to the world
to what we're about

The wildness is calming
the sun dances once more
always in my dream
with a guy that I adore

sighing a listful sigh
living a long lost dream
kiss me on my hand...
take me to the sea

Last night

Lying against you
Your heart beating under my hand
I looked in your eyes
You caught me off guard

I felt your warmth
I heard your voice
So soft, so calm
And I guess I had lost

Remember how we would fight?
I’d win each and every time
You would say you wanted too
This was the war in which you prevailed

I felt myself go
I fell into the sky
You held me close
I felt I could die

I felt my heart stop
Steady beating was your own
I was a part of you
You were my everything

For those precious moments
I let go of the rail
I wasn’t in control
I felt safe with you

Your arms around my chest
Your lips on my own
I watched you from the corner
the corner of my eye

Your smile means the world too me
This I wish I could say
I wish you would just hear me
I fell for you that day

I fell into the cold air
Through the rays of light
You’re not an Angel
You’re not the saviour

But you are someone
A person I strive to be
You are someone I care for
Do you care for me?

Love is a sign of weakness
Love hurts my soul
But love is an entity
that resides in you

I could see my future
As bleak and unforgiving
as my past lives
my heart torn in two

When you’re by my side
I see eternity
In a whole other light
You shake the world
With your deep brown eyes
You question everything I once knew
To make it into something new
You alter the sun rays
You make is light at night
You warm my skin with your coolness
You make me squirm under my skin

I wish I was perfect
As perfect as you
I wish I was more
More then just me
I wish I was someone
Someone who deserves you
I wish I chose you
I wish I have you
I wish you are here
By my side
I wish…
I wish…
I wish my life away
Only to have you there.

Killing Joy

I need you like a bullet in the skull
I miss you like a knife through the veins
I love you like a stranger
You are my one and only, baby boy

I need you like water in my lungs
I miss you like my blood on the floor
I love you like drugs in my nose
You are my one and only, killing joy

I knew you where the one when you looked at me
Like you wanted me, Like you needed me
I knew you were my love when you kissed me
When you touched me, When you killed me

You came into my life and spun me upside-down
You twisted my words, You made me out
To be the liar, when it was your lies that cut
I was a fool for going along

I need you like a bullet in the skull
I miss you like a knife through the veins
I love you like a stranger
You are my one and only, baby boy

I need you like water in my lungs
I miss you like my blood on the floor
I love you like drugs in my nose
You are my one and only killing joy

Don’t touch me with those poisoned hands
Don’t look at me, I won’t back down
Don’t kiss me, I'm going mad
Don’t leave me, I’ll be around

Just scream… Your pain will disappear
Just scream… I won’t last forever
Just scream… You won’t find me here
Just bleed… Into the arms of your lover

Because I needed you like a bullet in the skull
I missed you like a knife through the veins
I loved you like a stranger
You were my baby boy

I needed you like water in my lungs
I missed you like my blood on the floor
I loved you like drugs in my nose
You are my one, my only, my killing joy

I Think Of You Often

Stood in front of you
Your hands resting on the base of my spine
I'm so weak around you
Being with you I feel like I could fly

I wish I could show you
Just the once, how you make me feel
I know you would turn to run
but that’s a chance I've gotta take

I fell into your eyes
Your arms seemed so welcoming
I reached for you in my dreams
It was always you, before our eyes had met

Everything I do
I do this all for you
Every breath I take
My life was for this moment

I guess every step’s a risk
To step closer, to stumble and fall
Every reach I’m losing control
But you’re worth the fix; you were always the goal

Walking in a dream state
I was always the type to fail in this game
If this was a ride
I guess I would be the last one on

I fell into your eyes
Your arms seemed so welcoming
I reached for you in my dreams
It was always you, before our eyes had met

Tears falling from my eyes
You scare me in every way
Of every second of every breath,
I wouldn't have it any other way

Like a child, I reach for you constantly
Like a lover, I gaze into your eyes
Only to realise, that you were more
More then I could ever have wanted

I wish, I pine, I crave for your smile
Your hand in mine, I'm a better person
I get that feeling to turn and run
And yet I stand and fight

Because forever is a long time
And yet it’s all okay
To stand at the edge of reason
Because you’re the one who will save the day

I think of you a lot
You’re in my dreams often
I think of you when I work
I wish you were beside me when I'm sleeping

I know we have our own pasts
Things are never that certain
That we have our own stories
And yet they match up perfectly

What do you see in me?
A screw up?  A heart breaker?
Or do you see something more
Deeper then any other?

I sit and often wonder
How did I ever get so lucky?
To know that the road is uncertain
And it will be very bumpy

And yet, for you, I am willing
To hold on to the seat upon I am sitting
Your hand pressed against mine so tightly
Because you’re worth all this fighting

Maybe you should have stayed away
Better to be safe then sorry
I look to the future
And see nothing but worry

I wish you were here
Lying besides me in our bed
Your heart beating gently in your chest
Your hands running through my hair

And I still smell your sweet scent
And taste your gentle kisses
I think of you when I'm in the rain
And I ache when I realise I miss you

I know just one thing
Apart from how much I feel for you
That one day in the future
I shall be wearing white for you

For this I know is true
And you’ll be waiting for me
And then it’ll be okay… because I’ll be with you
And then it’ll be okay… because I’ll be yours
And it’s okay, because that’s what I look forwards too
And it’s okay, because my life will be with you
It’s okay… because I love you.

I miss you...

How can I say I'm sorry,
when you don’t listen?
How can I say I love you,
when you look away?
With all my broken heart I miss you,
But you don’t feel the same.....

Looking back it’s clearer now,
remember when I was down?
Friends comforted me, but you just let rip,
saying I was worthless,
And a pile of shit.

Well fuck you,
I’m over it now,
No more bending backwards,
It’s my turn to shout.

So listen up,
you rotting mound of crap,
It’s my turn to stand in the light,
To take the lead,
To scream and shout,

You worthless pile of shit.

I Guess (Story of a Lonely Heart)

I don’t understand it
I guess I never will
You swore you'd never leave me
You swore that you where real

I sat up and cried
a thousand hours no less
and still the thought of you...
makes me clutch my chest

you gave the sunshine
the moonlight in the night
you sung about the blueness
the blueness in my eyes

and yet you turn and leave me
standing all alone
I guess this is being grown up
I can’t take it no more

I guess I'll never understand
why you turned to leave
I guess I'll run in circles
even though I know where I live
I guess I'll try to understand
these feelings I cannot hide
and yet I still meant nothing
I still meant nothing

You promised me love
that I could not refuse
you promised me a world
that I thought I knew

You held my hand
many a night and still you run to hide
from this love I was missing
from this love I was missing

I guess I'll never know
why I sat up and cried
I guess I'll never know
how you could ever lie
this love wasn’t eternal
but, fuck, it was strong
now I'm licking open wounds
wounds of you....

So whisper once more
how much you can’t deny
that my lips are the softest
you have ever tried

so whisper once again
how I was by your side
I never let you down and ....
I never left you alone did...

I guess I'll never see
the passion in your eyes
I guess I'll always whisper
about something I cannot hide
and for this moment at least
I know I'll be alright,
‘cos I sat and listened
I sat and listened....

I guess I'll never
I guess I'll never
I guess I'll watch you leave

I guess I'll never
I guess I'll never
I guess this was all a twisted fantasy

I guess I'll whisper
I guess I'll whisper
my last sacred good bye.....

Falling into the Darkness

Falling into the darkness,
you held a knife to my throat,
begging for forgiveness
begging for the lies

"Love me"
you push it deeper
"Say you are true"
your voice makes me shudder

How can I tell you the truth?
You are not the one for me
How can I look into your eyes
you plan to take my life

My eyes open,
to look into your eyes
I wish you'd push it in
push in your knife

How can I love you?
When all you do is cause me pain
How can I look into your eyes
you plan to murder me

Again you beg,
"Lie to me,
Lie to me again and again,
Just tell me you love me,"

you know me,
I never could lie to save my life,
but still you look at me,
with those menacing eyes

I look to the window...
the police will find me soon
but you read my mind
and squeeze the metal tighter

blood... rises to the surface
the precious river of life
and you made me cry
begging "KILL ME TONIGHT"

But you don't,
you pull away,
The knife still in front of you...
I see my escape

"I can never love you,
for you are not mine to hold,
I can never and will never
stay in your arms again,"

You blink, a moment of weakness
But then you switch
From niceness to the nastiness inside
you growl, under your breath

The wildness escapes from your eyes
but I act in time,
the knife goes through your ribcage,
you gasp... I run...

The door... you locked me in
The key is in your hand,
You fall to face me,
Knowing what I would do,

My heart in my mouth
I cross the room to you
You look at me,
with your last breath you whisper

"I loved you from the moment I saw you,
I loved you before I knew of you,
You are my Angel, and I the demon
I will haunt you until we reunite in Hell,"

you die,
your heart slowly stopping
the blood is warm on the floor
I cant help but cry

The door gets kicked down,
I am pulled out,
your body is left there to rot
I'm pulled out into the cold.

A woman sits near me,
"Here," she hands me a parcel,
"What is it?" I ask,
She gets up and leaved me.

I open it,
Only to find,
A ring with the engraving
of our names...

I kept it,
Until I was alone one night,
With you in my mind
I threw it into the sea,

The place of you and me
The place where I lost myself
The place I love to hate
The place that you destroyed

You where a mistake,
I'm sorry for all the pain
But, you are not for my life
You are for my Hell

So, leave me...
And leave me for good
This may not be the total truth
But you get what I mean,
There may have been no ring, no police, but you did kill me
So, sleep soundly on you bed of stone,
I will not waste forever on you...

Don’t Ask / I Just Want You

Would you come and dance if I asked you too?
Would you look my way if I smiled at you?
Would you run and hide from me like a child
Or would you take my hand and lead me into the night

‘Cos all I know… is that… your eyes are the brownest I’ve seen
And all I care… is you… like me as much as I want to like you

I’m just a geek, lonely as hell…
Then I saw you from the twisted stairwell
Do I head on over to you and risk saying my farewell?
Or should I take a moment and stare at you standing there?  (standing there)

‘Cos I… just know… you are the prefect one in the room
And all I need… is you… to notice I exist and I’m in love with you

If you don’t ask, you’ll never gain
If you run, you may never say
If you ask, you will always win this game
Sing it back to me
If you don’t ask, you’ll never gain
If you run, you may never say
If you ask, you will always win this game
The game of truth or dare

He may have been there, that night he took my breath away
But when I started walking over to him
A girl took his hand to lead him away
His eyes looked at mine, he smiled and I felt like I could die

‘Cos all I know… is that you are the only one in the room
I would have… I wish I… but I could never have you

Dear Sun

You’re not meant to shine today,
I wanted the clouds to hide my shame
My heart is shattered in two
The skies aren't meant to be blue

The night was not meant to leave
Like the skies were meant to weep
And all I asked for, wished to be true
Was that no sun would shine for you

8 Pains

Flying in the deep blue,
I hear your song,
Crystal clear,
And light as day,
I felt myself be
pulled to you.
As the waves wash over me,
I see you cry,
For you I will wash
away my fears,
For you I will die.

Do not fret my perfect angel,
Darkness will leave,
Light will come,
As you smile,
So it does.
A touch of your hand,
The sparkle in your eye,
Makes me glad
To be alive.

The darkness returns,
And breaks my heart,
I watch you kiss another,
With no feeling for your hero...
...I flee...
Into the darkness
That surrounds me.

Broken and torn,
Tears in my dark eyes.
You run to me,
I push you away,
No more lies,
No more tears
You strike me
Blood rises to my skin
And so the fight begins....

We used to bask
In the light of love,
We used to laugh
But that is no more.
Why me?  Why now?
Why you?  Why her?
With my weapon of hate
You shall fall,
You shall cry,
I shall die.
Alone with a broken soul,
In the night that is my home,
Without you.

Now I drift,
In the vastness in which I live,
A vastness without you,
Without feelings,
So the knife may slice
At my priceless flesh.

I hope to die,
I hope to fall,
Into the pits of hell,
My new home,
I want you to watch me rot.

This body you once loved
This body is no more
I am no more
Like my love for you
No more.

Angry

My Angry Eyes
Do they smile?
Or seethe with pain
of conflicted mace?

My Angry Heart
It hurts my chest
My breath is laboured
As I wound my breast

My Angry Hands
They tear at my skin
Ruby red forgiveness
Like a junkie they need

My Angry Tongue
It flicks like a snake’s
My teeth do clench
As I snap at your face

And yet you sit there quietly
Watching my animalistic pain
My back arched like a panther
My teeth are all on show

You listen to my crying
My whimpers of long lost freedom
And you watch as I hurt myself
A tormented soul you see

Your skin is scarred
That I do see
But your eyes are clear
They light up when they see me

You let me take my time
My broken heart does heal
And you help me when I reach for you
For forgive me when I don’t

City of Lost Souls

In the city of the lost souls,
that's where I found my faith.
A twisted deliverance of evil
in a cruel and nasty fate.

The eyes were dark and menacing,
and nothing was left to say.
Just a gasp to my last breath
life escaped from my lips.

A knurled and hungry hand
took a hold of my hair.
Dragged me to my knees.
This I thought was the end,
death among the streets.

Of this quiet towns light,
an angel came to my side.
Disguised as my murderer,
he looked into my eyes.

He breathed a gentle breath,
and moved hair from my face.
'Why…..' he whispered,
his voice catching on wire.
'Why are you out tonight?'

He let go of my hair,
as lank and plain as it is.
And stood me up straight,
still gazing into my face.

Memories happen to music,
and this was to the chords of us.
His heart started beating,
and his eyes came alive,
on this quiet night.

How was I too know?
What would happen to me?
I didn't wait one moment,
I kicked and turned to flee.

My legs did not fail,
it was my heart and my senses that did.
I ran from his gentle touch,
into this misty dusk.

Back to my hellhole.
My demon waiting for my return.
A bottle thrown out of the window,
as I screamed,
as he hurled
….a bottle of Jack Daniels,
straight into my face.

And so my tormenter died
a night of slow and painful sleep.
His cold grey eyes,
had nothing left to see.

I found him slumped,
he looked half asleep.
I thought no more,
other then to check his wallet and
shit……
that's when I saw,
his eyes rolled
to the back of his head.

The heart of my tormenter,
was nothing but a fly,
curled up and dried,
death took him long ago.

And so the lights
they have been off since.
I never go home.
His body may be gone,
but the memory lives on.

I only enter the room,
for an hour sleep,
only to awake with diamonds
on my skin,
and a prayer to a lost faith.

I still walk the streets,
to find some light in the world,
only to be rained on,
spat at,
and called to from cars.

At least the moon never dies,
I only wish it does.
Maybe then this world,
won't be full of the things,
the creatures of the night,
who follow me home.

I found him once again,
under the street lamp
where we met.
His hands were tired and old.

As he looked up,
a smile touched his lips,
and the harshness melted
into the cold.

'Why are you out?'
He whispered,
as he touched my soul,
so softly as he did with my hair.

I smiled shyly,
and stood before him,
I was lost,
and unafraid.

'Why are you?'
my voice caught,
stranded like his own.

'I'm waiting,'
he paused,
and looked away,
unsure of what he was.

'I'm late,'
I held my breath,
and waited for time
to pass.

'For what?'
he answered,
after a little more.

'I kept you waiting,
for a month,
more-or-less,
I'm sorry,
you must be cold….'

He blinked,
I froze,
He smiled,
I smiled.

And the world
just disappeared.
'It's ok,'
he whispered,
'You're worth the wait,
I would have waited for years…'

I held out my hand,
his soft skin touched mine,
and we walked into
the nights life.

For in the city of the lost souls,
that's where I found my faith.
A twisted deliverance of evil
in a cruel and beautiful fate.

His eyes once dark and menacing,
had so much more to say.
Just a hold of his hand,
we'll take forever in a day……
…in a day.